A Staff's Members Accidental Death & Grief in the Workplace

It is an employer's most unexpected nightmare. In one phone call,  suddenly your entire company is brought to its collective knees.

This happened recently in a hospice company in which I was consulting.  As a hospice bereavement professional, these accidental and unexpected deaths are not the same as deaths in hospice where we have the gift of more slowly accepting the idea of the loss of a loved one.  These kinds of deaths are more likely to be experienced like trauma where people react more unpredictably and may trigger some other undigested incident in our pasts that has yet to be mourned.

No Self-Protective Denial is Available in an Accidental Death
In a sudden death, we do not have the self-protective element of denial, which shields us from the immediate and full mental exposure of loss and the impossible reality of the death of a loved one.

• We cannot incrementally accept it over a period of months
• We cannot deny the diagnosis or prognosis
  
  

That was the first thing I offered - this difference- and then I reached out to an associate specializing in suicide and accidental deaths to get more clarity about best practices.

Safety First - Assess the Staff for any Likelihood of Doing Self-Harm
If the lost staff was likely a suicide, the likelihood of responsive suicide in other staff is very slightly elevated by a few percentage points according to Dr. Thomas Joiner.  His recent research notes three major factors for people with traits for at risk - not just the standard questions about if they have a plan and means for self-harm.  Ask them if they are

1. Feeling like a burden on other people. That their death is worth more than their life.
2. Feelings of loneliness or social disconnection.  This is key.
3. Have learned to overcome the fear of self-harm.  Do they do risky behavior where they seem not to care about their own welfare.

Other ideas to support people who are themselves at risk:

• Suicidal crisis are almost always temporary
• Problems are seldom as great as they appear at first
• Reasons for living can help sustain a person in pain
• Do not keep suicidal thoughts to yourself

He also cautions us to pay attention when people are giving away their prized possessions. This is a real and important sign they are considering suicide.

     Be kind, for everyone you meet
     is fighting a hard battle.
                            –Rev. Dr. John Watson

Steps for employers:

1. Notify people in a timely manner, and as appropriate for their personal relationship with the deceased.  Call them personally or have a close friend call them, or meet with them.
2. Reach out to staff's family - offer sincere condolences. Ask about funeral arrangements. Some families prefer private funerals or memorial services.
3. Have a staff meeting where you can begin to share the grief and memories of the staff member
   1. Give info from family - Talk about what to say to clients, patients or vendors
   2. Begin processing reactions to death
   3. Share memories and reflections
   4. Discuss things staff might do to support each other and family
4. Offer individual and group counseling sessions.  Refer for therapy, if appropriate.
5. Remind staff about self-care and respecting their energy levels...
   1. Hydrate and eat well
   2. Get extra sleep/ nap or lay down 20 minutes twice a day
   3. Be kind.  Grief is real damage.  It is a wound that heals from the inside.
6. Post the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. (800) 273 TALK (8255) Encourage them to use it if they have questions or thoughts about self harm.
7. Memorialize the loss
   1. Memory Books - have staff bring in photos of lost staff member and write notes in book about some helpful or cherished memory that family may well receive to sustain them.
   2. www.Mealtrain.com. or some other service that helps organize meals for family. Staff can cook a meal on a specific day, or contribute money for a meal.
   3. Have a staff memorial service
8. Pave a path back to normal.
   Set a tone for respect of lost staff but deal with pressing business. Office will be in the fog of grief for a while. Try not to push affected colleagues too hard at first. Reassign work for minimal commotion.
   1. Assign check-in buddies - formally or informally per offices culture.
      
   2. Allow people to take some time off / Make special accommodations for an employee in need.
      
   3. Have food in the office and an atmosphere of hospitality.
      
   4. Encourage staff to connect with their local faith communities
   5. Encourage them to go to the funeral, if family is open to it.
      
   6. Have a memorial service just for staff
   7. Make arrangements to get personal effects to family.
   8. Don't immediately advertise for a replacement. Let desk stay as it is for a few weeks.
9. Standard employee change logistics:
   1. Ensure coverage/continuity
   2. Determine person's company commitments
   3. Disable computer access, badges, etc
   4. Place voicemail into announce only mode
   5. Re-record the person's voice mail or forward the calls.
   6. Set-up auto respond on email